Trying so hard

I am the type of person who tries to please people. I try to do things the way someone else would or how I think they would do something, I pick things that I think others will like, I try to be like others. Well, even though I try and try it seems like sometimes I have bad days and this really bothers me. I don't like to disappoint people. I like to be the person in the background making someone else look good but maybe I am not cut out for the job.

Right now I just want to lock the doors and play and play with the kids, not having to worry about anything outside the walls.

I would feel bad though because I would feel like I didn't give it my all. I have struggled everyday to take my kids to daycare. I want to see them grow up instead of watch as they grow before my eyes. I want to participate in school activities and help them make cookies.

I do have a full time job and I enjoy it. I am learning new things and I try to do the best I can but somedays I don't know if this is the right job for me...do I want it to be? In everything I do I give it my all and I don't like to give up on anything but I do understand that some people are better at things then others. Everyone has been telling me that having a job is something I need to really be grateful for... Now looking back at everything I have just said I wonder if me doing things for everyone else I have lost myself. I do know I have given up some things that I used to love to do. (Paint, scrapbook, sew, read, rock climb, swim, draw, etc)

When things don't always go right it is easy to think about what else is there but also knowing that bills have to be paid you really can't have everything peachy all the time. With that said I will continue to do the best I can at my job, I will try to be involved with my kids school and extra curricular activities, I will try to keep my house clean, I will try to take more pictures so I can remember my kids as they grow up, I will..... I need more hours in the day to beable to do everything. Let's be honest here. Today was just a bad day and I hope tomorrow is better.